beliefs, take 2

today i wrote some more stuff about beliefs, or more in general about the things that are keeping me from reaching my goals. I find that writing what i think is a good way to keep me focused and brainstorm.

Why am i not there yet?
- i don´t have the practical skills to fit the concept artist position.
- i don´t believe i´m good enough
- i´m lazy
- i´m not motivated
- i´m not pushing myself outside my confort zone
- i don´t draw enough
- i don´t dream, i don´t think artistically, it´s becoming something mechanic
- i´m trapped in time, i think i don´t have time to do anything, and subsequently water lot of time not doing anything.
- i don´t think of it as a goal subcosciously, and don´t relate everything i do to it.
- i don´t think in an artistic way, mainly cause i don´t think i´m an artst yet. I see my-self as not good enough, but i don´t know what qualifies being goog enough. I´ll probaby never be good enough, as there is always a chance to be better and my goals will change everytime, so i´ll never be good enough. Ans that´s good, otherwise i´ll just stop at the beginning, thinking i´m good enough to do a crappy job. But i think that it´s not the purpuse of art, it´s not about being good enough, it´s about being passionate, and put yourself into what you do and have fun, like f you are a kid dreaming, but with more concrete results and knowledge. Then the results will come by-itself, and everytime you´ll try to push yoursef to reach better and better refults. Results that match the most the mental image you have of how your work should look like. And this mental image is influenced by things you see, knowledge you get, other artists and other people, and it´s the message you want to communicate with your art.
- I show the best learning attitude on sunday morning. I usually wake up and while in bed i get an idea, something to learn, something new to try, and i have the whole day to do it. I don´t feel any time constraint and i have a very positive mindset. It´s usually 1 goal i´m focused on the whole day long. It becomes: “the learn 3d day”, or “the learn environments day”. And those are the days in wich i usually learn the most. I mean, i can feel the improvement, i know what i am going to learn, and i learn it. This usually happens with something concrete, like learning to use a program, something that is easy to certify (constatare) a progress with. If you´ve never used a 3d program, and after a day you can create various types of models with it, then you made a progress. From 0 to 1 at least. I find it difficult for example with more abstract things. With composition for example. I don´t really know if i learnt something about it or not. Whether i got better at it or not. Probably it is because i don´t define the problem in the first place. In what sense are my compositional skills bad? What do i need to learn? If you study with a purpose, if you learn something specific, like: how to render a cube in different light situations, or what´s the anathomycal structure of an ape, you´ll know when you reach the goal, and it will be easier to create a plan to reach it. On the other hand if you study something fuzzy and not defined like: composition, then it will be hard to understand in wich sense you need to study, what is it exactly that you´re trying to learn. It´s the basic idea, of dividing each thing in it´s simplest parts, learn them and then combine the knowledge.
So, What is holding me back is that i don´t have a clear idea of what i need to learn in the first place, and thus makes it hard to study it. Also doesn´t really motivate me as it´s hard to immagine a concrete improvement in that specific area.
Also i spend most of the time thinking about what i should do instead of doing it. The reson is that i feel lazy about it, i don´t have motivation to do it, most of the times. My goal should then be to focus on a specific subject every day. Define the actual situation, the goal, and what´s the 1 skill that if developed in the best fashion would grant me the highest improvement in that subject.
And this also applies to a larger degree to my main goal. What one skill if learnt in an excellent fashion would grant me the most benefit toward the achievement of my goal?

yeah i´ve been hardcore listening to brian tracy´s audiobook =)